so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
