You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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