Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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