me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
