Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
