Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
