I think I died a long time ago.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
