tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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