so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I need water and some morals
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
