some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
