My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
