what day is it and did you see me today?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
