your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
