She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
