I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
