Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
