it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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