he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
