How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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