he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
