in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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