My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
How's work?
Spinning.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
