You're my little dorito
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
