Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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