The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
