is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
