I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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