trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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