he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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