ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
