Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
