No awkward lesbian experiences without me
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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