Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
