She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
