you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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