she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
