Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
