You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
