I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
