I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
