Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
