I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
