Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
