I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
