Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
