I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
