I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
