I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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