Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
