Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
