There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
