As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
