Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
